Would you imagine that couples who divorce and those whose marriages maintain continued longevity through old age disagree more or less the same amount?
Would you guess that almost three quarters of marital disagreements are unresolvable for the average couple?
According to Dr. John Gottman, a world renowned researcher on the subject of marriage and divorce, and a Washington Post article I read called "The Marriage Myth," all of the above is what the statistics show. What's the key to marital bliss, besides taking marriage education courses touted by the article? Communication, especially the listening portion of it (a.k.a. the part most people want to fast forward through during an argument so they can say their piece and revel in the sound of their own voice).
This particular finding is not a revelation, but like many things, listening is something so simple that simultaneously proves challenging to put into practice at times in the heat of the moment. Listening is a delicate art, and one that will bring much interpersonal success to those who execute it well. Obviously any balanced conversation involves taking turns and allowing everyone to say their piece, if they so desire. However, there are many different levels of hearing what people have to say, and the more accurately and attentively one listens, the more people will gravitate toward that individual and hopefully want to reciprocate. In a romantic relationship, listening is key to understanding what your partner wants or needs, and the better you're able to repeat back to them what they're trying to say, the better your chances are of at least coming to mutual respect and understanding, even if agreement is out of the question.
Draw your own conclusions:
The Marriage Myth: Why do so many couples divorce? Maybe they just don't know how to be married.
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