Hey, you've put on weight!

Is it acceptable to comment on whether someone has gained weight to their face? What about if they've lost weight? Do you consider it proper to describe someone using their race as the primary descriptor? How about other aspects of their appearance, i.e. chest, butt, facial features, teeth, eyes, etc.

I'll never forget the casual weight-related comments thrown around in Ecuador by my husband's cousins, aunts and uncles, and even his mom. When we traveled to New York City two summers ago, one of the first things out of his cousin's mouth was, "You guys have gained weight!" My husband brushed off the comment as quickly as it had been dished out; meanwhile, I was trying to pick my jaw up off of the fountain we were standing next to while trying to recall if anyone had ever had the audacity to say that about me within earshot (the answer, incidentally, was "No").

What to my husband was a completely trivial comment was to me borderline insulting. How dare you say I've gained a single pound, even if it's true! I command you to tell me how fantastic I look, as is customary here! After spending the day with his cousin (who is actually a very lovely person), and after overhearing similar comments from other in-laws in Ecuador, I realized that I was the outlier when it came to my opinion of "fat comments." What made me entirely uncomfortable and potentially self-conscious, had the remarks been directed at me, was completely normal and not worth thinking about twice for members of Ecuadorian society, including women. What I found a grave affront was to all the rest just a frank observation about one's current state of appearance without a value judgment attached to it.

I'm still not sure that I can tease apart a comment about weight from the value judgment that I perceive to go hand in hand with it. Perhaps it's because I grew up and spent the majority of my life in the U.S., where girls and women are constantly told that "fat" (not to be confused with "curves") is not really something to aspire to. It's possible that I take issue with terminology--if someone were to tell me, "Hey, you've gotten a bit curvier since I last saw you," I could see taking that as a compliment. But "Hey, you've put on weight/gotten fatter since I last saw you," well, that just doesn't fly around here.

I can't recall hearing the word "fat" to describe a person without a negative connotation accompanying it. Even words like "large," "big," "heavy," and so on will not always be celebrated by the person on the receiving end. This then begs the question, is discussing someone's weight a complete taboo? It would seem that depending on the culture you're immersed in, the answer will vary. The rule doesn't exactly hold true even in the U.S., because it's actually complimentary to notice that someone has lost weight, illustrating our clearly skewed values when it comes to appearances.

It would be great if American society could evolve to a point where commenting on weight is irrelevant, or alternatively, just another bland but sometimes useful descriptor (like in Ecuador and probably many other countries, as well as when speaking American Sign Language (ASL)). Can you rise to the occasion?