My Own Worst Enemy

Prior to two weeks ago, I was trucking along and adhering quite well to the "post a day" concept of this blog. Then the annual OBX trip arrived, which my family takes every year and which doubles as a family reunion for my father's side of the family. With approximately 40 people in one beach house, the fun, games, and catching up fill each and every day to the brim until all of a sudden we find ourselves en route home again. Needless to say, no posts on the blog occurred that week.

Upon returning to work last week, I was greeted by a mountain of work, including the largest problems/"crises" I've encountered since starting at my current job. In other words, last week was full of stress, which is not conducive to sitting down and putting thoughts of any kind onto an online medium--unless it's to share curse-laden status updates on Facebook, which luckily, I just managed to refrain from writing.

Last week was particularly tough, and the experiences at work definitely got me thinking about some important things, including a few items that pertain to my writing here. One realization in particular was that I am sometimes my own worst enemy. This is probably true for many of you out there. In my case, I expect a lot of myself and often push myself hard to achieve specific results that I, not anyone else, set. Sometimes it's difficult to figure out how to deliver work or products that please yourself, those around you, and ideally both.

Another "aha" moment was realizing that I care more about what other people think than I should, frankly. Sometimes others' evaluations of us are useful, as they provide information or observations about ourselves that we potentially wouldn't have access to otherwise. Others' expectations or evaluations of us can also keep us on our toes at times, make us behave well, and expect more of ourselves as well. However, there are many instances where others' evaluations of us should really have no bearing on our self-esteem, especially if you're projecting into the future and anticipating what people will think or say before they've even done so. I've caught myself doing the latter, and it's extremely unproductive and creates unnecessary anxiety. Overall, it shouldn't matter what people think of my clothes, or my job, or my husband's job, or what degree I have (or don't have), or the quality of work that I've done if I've truly put forth my best effort. Realizing that is liberating, although I have a hunch it will take even more practice before I can truly let go of some of those psychological hindrances.

The old me would have felt extremely guilty about missing two weeks of blog writing. The old me would have scrambled to write 3 posts a night every day this week. The old me would have been stressed about one more thing on an already exhaustive list of daily activities to tackle and complete. The old me almost felt all of those things. Almost.

Today I decided to pick back up where I left off two weeks ago and forge ahead without making up the last 14 posts, as this is the best effort I can make while still feeling healthy and happy. The best part: this decision feels just fine--not just fine, but great!--and I don't feel even a twinge of guilt. Life is too short, and I'd like to spend as little time worrying and as much time enjoying it as possible. Managing stress is essential in daily life, since stress can be an acute issue with a variety of negative consequences, and can even convert into a chronic problem with serious effects on one's physical and mental health.

Even though last week sucked, through reflection and talks with family I feel like some important life concepts have surfaced, and for that I'm grateful. There's a reason why so many people say that unpleasant experiences and adverse circumstances "build character": such experiences are seldom "fun," but you sure do learn a lot.