Too Much Effort, or Not Enough?

I've heard people talk about multiple different ways to bring about a desired result in your life. Some folks say that the way to attract things is by maintaining a relaxed state of mind and not searching too hard for what it is you want to happen. It's reverse psychology of sorts--when you try too hard, you're not relaxed, you force things to occur in an unnatural way, and as a result things don't flow correctly. Relax yourself, don't look too hard, and what you want will come your way.

Others recommend the exact opposite approach: think about what you want constantly and invoke the law of attraction, thereby sending out energy and signals into the universe calling what it is you want to you. Perhaps most often espoused is the blood, sweat and tears strategy--simple hard work to bring what you wish for most into your life.

So I have to ask, which is the best way to get what you want out of your life? Stay relaxed? Great idea. Think about what you want and attract it into your life? Why not? Work your tail off to get where you want to go? Absolutely. I can see value in any of the three strategies, both separately and in tandem, and I'm sure there are even more options than just those named here. The question also becomes when to use which strategy. This is definitely something to ponder, but I have a feeling the best option is a "combo approach": focus on what the object of desire is, put forth effort and energy to reach that goal, and always maintain an inner peace and equilibrium, which may even be the most important factor by a slight edge.

New Favorite Phrase

New favorite phrase for the moment: "It is what it is."

You can't control everything, and to not accept that which is out of your control is to create your own suffering. Instead, recognize the state of things in the present moment, accept it, and move on.

Lazy Last Days of Summer

One of my favorite seasonal transitions is the gradual shift from summer to autumn, from the lazy, lingering warmth to crisp, cool weather partnered with an array of bright colors. The close of summer is reminiscent of the final nail in the coffin of vacation, even as one grows older and is no longer in school. The last few days of summer almost resemble a call for sloth and lassitude--enjoyment of slow activity, quiet moments, and ignoring of "To Do" lists.

After hibernating in air-conditioned quarters for what seems like an eternity but which in reality is only a summer, autumn's refreshing mixture of warmth and chill is welcome and strangely both soothing and invigorating. One can comfortably wander outdoors with arms covered or bare and marvel at Nature's art show on display and crunchy, crackly auditory accompaniments. Sandwiched between two seasons of extreme temperatures, autumn carries with it an inexplicable energy and mystique equaled by no other time of year.

The Most Powerful Card on Earth?

If knowledge is power, a library card is the most valuable tool in the quest for a powerful mind.

This idea reminds me of a line from Good Will Hunting, in which Matt Damon's character Will is a brilliant, but impoverished, kid from Southie in Boston. After a heated discussion with a Harvard grad student in a bar, in which the student quotes a text and tries to pass it off as his own original thought, Will calls him out on the plagiarism and states:

"See, the sad thing about a guy like you is, in 50 years you're gonna start doin' some thinkin' on your own and you're going to come up with the fact that there are two certainties in life: one, don't do that, and two, you dropped 150 grand on a f***in' education you could have got for a dollar fifty in late charges at the public library."

Nutrition Tips That Make Me Laugh

Nutritional tips that don't quite add up: replace sweets and candy with nuts. Don't get me wrong, nuts are fabulous and excellent for maintaining a healthy diet. But here's a newsflash: nuts are not sweet, nor are they a satisfying substitute for sweets. Fruit, maybe. But a fruit, no matter how hard it tries, will never successfully imitate a nice, delicious square of chocolate. My nutritional tip? Everything in moderation. = )

Back to the Basics

Talk about a trip down memory lane--this morning I discovered my old textbooks from my very first Spanish courses in college. As I thumbed through the colorful pages filled to the brim with words, structures, stories and pictures, I realized what a journey I've taken in learning the language and becoming immersed in it. The process of learning a language is interesting because it's so fluid and can be approached in such a variety of ways. For example, textbooks are helpful because they present vocabulary, expressions, and explain grammatical structures so that a student can better understand why the language behaves as it does. On the other hand, being immersed in a culture and learning the language through active listening and talking is essential. One can capture a language in leaps and bounds through living it, and many aspects of grammar and expressions are absorbed unconsciously as the ear becomes more attuned to what sounds "correct" and "not quite right". In reviewing my texts this morning it became clear that while my abilities reached unforeseen levels while living abroad, texts and formal classes set the stage for more advanced language learning and provide a physical, conceptual reference that can serve a student of language for the rest of their life.

Musical Moods

What kind of music makes me feel increasingly intelligent just by listening to it? Classical music. What kind of music makes me want to get up and kick someone's ass? Hard rock. What kind of music makes me want to relax or dance with my man? Jazz. What kind of music makes me want to shake my butt? Reggaeton. What kind of music makes me want to drive, do exercise, dance alone, or just even nod my head to the beat? Hiphop. What kind of music makes me want to take a road trip? Classic rock. What kind of music makes me want to have a cookout, lie in a field, or go out on the backroads? Country music. What kind of music makes me want to grab a partner and tear up the dance floor with lots of "hippy" moves? Salsa, merengue, or bachata. What kind of music makes me want to get up and move my body, no matter how ridiculous I may look? Techno.

What am I listening to right now? I'll give you a hint--I feel as though my brain is expanding by the moment...

How do these types of music make you feel?

Three Plus is a Crowd

There's a reason someone came up with the phrase "Three's a crowd"--possibly because, well, it can be. I've never been able to wrap my head--or tastes, perhaps--around certain practices when it comes to getting together with friends. When I think of comfortable reunions with friends or small gatherings, I tend to envision hanging out, maybe over coffee, with my friend to chat and catch up one on one. If a few of us decide to hang out, thhttp://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=4672213590103447155at's also fine, as long as those involved already know each other, and preferably if we all share established friendships. What I can't seem to get are those friends of mine who, when they bounce into town for a quick visit before jetting off to wherever they're living, try to reunite every possible friend in their address book that still lives in the area. Mind you, that's super convenient because you're hitting about ten birds with one stone, but it can result in a gathering that's terribly awkward and what's even worse--boring as all hell.

One particular friend of mine has an awful habit of doing this. She's friends with many people and does a fairly good job of keeping in touch with all of them. Of this group, however, none of us are in contact with each other, and I think we're just fine with that. So, when my friend decided to do a coffee outing with 8-10 of her random assortment of friends, it ended up being quite a dull event in which everyone vied for her attention and then turned to rely on whomever they came with for idle chatter while my friend was occupied with others in the group. Now, if this were a party setting, perhaps it would be slightly more acceptable to be thrown in with a bunch of strangers, since sometimes that's what a party is all about. But when I think of coffee talk, I don't think of lumping all my friends together in one place so I can claim I saw and talked to all of them, almost reminiscent of a speed dating event.

Different strokes for different folks, I suppose, is the only conclusion that comes to mind when trying to understand why my friend's style and my own are so different. And by different strokes for different folks, I mean our personalities and styles are completely different--and you know what? That's just fine by me.

Multicultural Relationships

What's nice about having a significant other who shares your cultural background? A sense of understanding and commonality when it comes to certain topics, like religion, customs, child-rearing philosophies, gender roles, and ease of communication. What's great about being with someone from a different culture? Constant discovery about different ways of thinking and being, which can keep things interesting and "spicy." Working together to overcome cultural differences of opinion or flaws in the lines of communication can also prove good practice at resolving issues in general, while for other multicultural couples it may sink them before they have a chance of floating ahead towards the horizon of marital bliss.

One thing is certain: no matter what cultures people come from and regardless of whether their backgrounds are the same or radically divergent, trust, respect and open communication are the cornerstones of a marriage that has a chance of going anywhere.

Kindles vs. Paperbacks

With the ever-present push for new gadgets and evolution toward increasingly electronic-driven lifestyles, one of the latest trends to emerge on the scene is the Amazon Kindle. The Kindle (which until some time I was confusing with "kindling" and wondering why that was supposed to be a catchy branding move), as I understand it, is a device that allows you to download books and read them in digital format. One thing that's really a plus about this product is that it's environmentally friendly. No trees are sacrificed as you leaf through the pages on the Kindle's screen. At the same time, there's something so comforting and pleasing about the tangible feel of a paperback or hardcover book. Every person has a different relationship with his or her books, but I love the feel, the weight, of a book in my hands. I relish underlining passages that speak to me or seem memorable, or scrawling notes in the margin about ideas or themes as they come to me while reading. Can you fold down the corners of a page on a Kindle? Doubtful, although they'll probably come up with an application for that at some point.

There are many reasons to buy a Kindle. In the long run, it may even be cheaper than continuing to buy books in print-version. Will the paperback become obsolete someday? For nature's sake, that could be a good thing. For society? I'm not sure yet.

MLS!

Today my husband, my father and I went to our first MLS soccer game and we were ready to cheer on the home team through rain, shine, and intense humidity. And you know what? It must have worked because we won! Even though the stadium wasn't full, it was a blast seeing our team up close and personal, not to mention a couple fantastic goals! Definitely a weekend to remember.

The Ex Factor

How many people keep in touch with their exes, and for what reasons? Is it possible to have a platonic relationship with someone you've shared, in many cases, deep romantic and intimate experiences with? How often do people keep in contact with their ex because they hope to rekindle their relationship later on in the future, or in other cases, because they simply can't let go? How many folks just plain cut all their exes off for good? How many people don't keep in touch with their exes because their current significant others don't approve?

Caso Cerrado and Locked Up Abroad

Latest shows that have us hooked: Caso Cerrado on Telemundo and Locked Up Abroad on NatGeo. Caso Cerrado is like Judge Judy but 1,000 times better and with a whole lot of Latin flavor. There are all kinds of cases, not the typical Joe Schmoe looking for some monetary remuneration, a la Judge Judy. Plus, it's a good opportunity for me to practice listening to all kinds of different accents in Spanish (although the majority seem to be Cuban since the show is filmed in Miami). Also worthy of compliment: Ana Maria Polo, who presides over the cases, is a serious card and a ton of fun to watch. She's sensitive, very charismatic, takes no BS, incorporates thought-provoking quotes by famous people, and clearly tries to make people reflect on problems that can occur in daily life and how to be a better person. Plus, she's got a great psychologist on staff that she brings in to shed some light on the psychological aspects of the cases.

Locked Up Abroad details the stories of different individuals, usually somehow involved in the drug trade or inadvertently captured by guerrillas, who end up being imprisoned abroad, as the title suggests. It's definitely a show to mix with other types of programming because the storylines can begin to blur together and seem repetitive, but all in all, a good watch.

The Last Little Things of Summer 2010

Part of living in the moment requires appreciating both the big, exciting events and even the most minute details and seemingly mundane details of daily life. Here are a few of end-of-summer "little things":

The tantalizing prospect of an invaluable career-shaping experience. A surprise guitar, serenades, and sing-alongs. A happy birthday boy. A rich and flavorful caesar salad that breaks the "same old caesar" mold. Reconnecting with an old friend. Lazing around in bed in the middle of the week. Welcoming a new officemate and being a mentor.

Jane Eyre

Recently finished Jane Eyre. Loved C. Bronte's writing style and descriptions of nature and physical environments. Great character development and a strong protagonist in Jane. Intriguing plot twists and solid storytelling throughout the novel. The only drawback? A sappily romantic conclusion, and a random and unfulfilling final page heavily laced with religious overtones.

All in all? An entertaining read with descriptions that stimulate the recesses of the mind, relatable characters, a compelling plot, and carefully crafted language capable of transporting readers to a romantic 19th-century England.

Living in the Moment

Are we a product-oriented rather than process-oriented culture? What is the value of rushing to finish something if you don't allow yourself to enjoy the process? Why stare at the finish line with anticipation and baited breath while missing the entire voyage that transports you to that culmination of activity? One of the principal teachings of clinical psychology involves living in the moment--being truly "present" in the present. Sure, it's easy to say, "Yeah, yeah, enjoy the present. Got it. I'm on it." It's another thing to actually center your mind and call it back when it begins to wander into the realms of past and future thoughts and preoccupations. Think about how many times a day your mind centers on, or even briefly contemplates, notions of the future or remembrances belonging to the past. It's important not to fight one's own mind, but rather accept the present thought, and gently summon the mind back to the moment being experienced. After all, what is a life but a vast collection of moments in time?

Sick-o

How does one garner positive, healing energy while physically sick or "under the weather"? How can one dominate the physical discomfort, or agony in some cases, of sickness in order to cultivate the energy, attitudes, and feelings that will pave the way to recovery and health? Do an individual's strategies differ if one is dealing with a passing malady, like a cold, versus a potentially fatal disease? Can one utilize similar tactics and summon the same types of energy to conquer mental infirmities and emotional disturbances?

Yes We Can

It can be overwhelming to tackle paperwork, the legal system, and the government's convoluted instructions all by oneself. However, add some sound legal advice, a nimble mind, hard work, patience, and a positive attitude to the mix, and it becomes clear that one can tackle seemingly insurmountable challenges with successful results. My husband and I discovered this after sweating and stressing over assembling my husband's immigration application without hiring a lawyer to lighten our load (and wallets). Lo and behold, after seven months of painstakingly filling out forms, translating documents, preparing for the interview, and responding to requests for additional documents, my husband became a permanent resident. For anyone who's not familiar with the immigration process, seven months is like a heartbeat in the body of the Department of Homeland Security. During those months, we had questioned ourselves multiple times whether we wouldn't have saved ourselves a lot of trouble by just having a lawyer take care of the whole process (a process, I might add, that costs approximately $1500 without an attorney and $3500 with a lawyer's assistance). Now, it feels great knowing that we were--and are--capable of clearing some of life's biggest and most important hurdles when we're confronted by them face to face.

Inspiration

One thing that inspires people in a given field is the admiration produced by the work of colleagues in that very field. I don't consider myself a full-fledged writer quite yet, but I see myself with the drive and desire to go that route, which is why I took great pleasure this weekend in reading the work of a peer and good friend of mine. Her name is Morgan Smith and she writes for the Texas Tribune. Now, I may not be an expert in Texas politics or jurisprudence, but I know good writing when I see it, and in Morgan's case it's excellent! I encourage anyone interested in politics, law, Texas, or just plain well-written articles to check out Morgan's work.

How many hours of sleep do you need?

Most assessments of sleep in mainstream media spit out the same result, more or less: the average person requires an average of 8 hours of sleep a night for optimal daily functioning. What's interesting is that there's definitely a range of necessity when it comes to sleep--some people are up and at 'em after as little as 4-5 hours, while others are more akin to young Frankenstein if they don't get their full 7-9 hours of beauty rest. I'm very much part of the latter group, but I've known and read about members of the former, and while it never ceases to impress me, I sometimes wonder if there are long-term adverse effects to not sleeping a certain amount on a regular basis.

I've heard multiple times that lack of sleep cannot kill you per se. However, not sleeping or resting enough can without question take a major physical toll on the body and the mind. Navy seals who go through Hell Week (the final week of testing that challenges physical and mental endurance to extreme limits) without a night's sleep end up hallucinating at the week's close. My cousin, who would go for days at a time without sleep during her fashion studies at Parsons, found herself seeing things and talking to herself on the New York subway--somehow I have a feeling no one looked at her twice, but still, it's not something to aspire to. In addition, I can't help wondering whether not sleeping enough is related to more chronic, long-term immune system problems or vulnerability to disease over time.

Lack of sleep undoubtedly affects memory, as anyone who's had a terrible night or week's sleep can attest to when trying to recollect information or think quickly on their feet. I've also read that memory conversion and storage occurs during sleep and is possibly related to dreaming, so if one cannot sleep, one cannot back up their files onto their mental hard drive.

One thing is needing lots of sleep, another is whether you actually get the sleep you need. I may need 8 or 9 hours to function at my very best, but sometimes I only get 6 or 7 and I manage to squeeze by with what I've got. What one needs is not necessarily what one gets. However, it's important to know yourself, your body's requirements, and what makes you feel best in order to do just that--feel your best!

Public Restrooms in Private Places

Is it normal to have "public style" restrooms with multiple stalls at places of work? Obviously it's cheaper to have one bathroom with a couple stalls than numerous private single bathrooms. Here's the key difference: in a truly public restaurant bathroom, for example, you're not going to see the people you're doing your business next to ever again. At work? They probably sit in the office next to you, down the hall, etc. I hadn't given it much thought before, but today it suddenly struck me as somewhat awkward--maybe it even ranks up there with the stalls that have wide enough spaces between the door and wall to have a face-to-face conversation with the people by the sinks...

Musings and "Little Things" from the Beach

Things I could do without when at the beach:

SUVs and trucks barreling down the beach. Family drama. Being woken up at 7 AM by chattering and shrieking after going to sleep at 12 or 1 AM. Immaturity. Sand in my sandals, in my clothes, in the house, and pretty much everywhere else. Bugs everywhere, especially in the pool. Fishing, even if it was catch-and-release.

Little (and not so little) things I enjoyed during our trip to the beach:

Watching sand pipers scuttle away from the water. Iridescent sea foam shimmering in the sunlight. The constant murmurings of the sea. Feeling the power of the ocean and its currents which pulled us away from where we were standing. Thunderstorms at night. Family games, like "Loaded Question" and movie trivia. Messages in the sand, and mussing them up. Mouth-watering meals, including gazpacho, varied salads, exotic rice and beans, baked potatoes, and savory marinated portobello mushrooms (and did I mention gooey brownies, fresh fruit, rich cakes, ice cream sundaes, platters of cookies, and cream puffs with chocolate sauce and raspberries). Watching The Daily Show with uncles and aunts. Photography. A sweet doggy companion named Jojo. Windblown dunes. Wild horses an arm's length away. Conversations and laughter with family not seen in years. Breathtaking sunsets filled with pinks, oranges, blues, and a perfectly spherical, dazzling crimson sun descending upon the horizon. Walks on the beach with my other half. Rich glasses of wine. Heart-to-hearts. Lots of love.

Art in the Home

Art has the power to completely transform a home, bringing drab walls to life and filling space with thought and creativity. Even better than filling your place with beautiful or avant garde pieces? Decorating your home with art made by someone you know and love.

Technology Abounds on the Escalator

A few days ago while ascending an escalator (and by "ascending" I mean letting the escalator do all the heavy lifting), a succession of three people passed by on the escalator next to mine. What caught my eye was that all three were completely absorbed by some type of technological device during their short journey past me. This will not come as a shock to anyone, nor does it even come as a surprise to me. At the same time there was something deeply unsettling about what confronted my eyes on that particular morning--something I still haven't been able to shake.

On a daily basis I witness many of the following activities: people commuting with their I-Pods, sipping coffee and basking in the soft glow of a laptop screen, texting while driving, in the bathroom, or during intimate social moments, or carrying on loud and fantastically dull one-way conversations via their cell phones. At least in my town (which is more of a metropolis), I doubt I could go for five minutes without seeing someone interacting with what can most aptly be described as a technological appendage. The unsettling issue doesn't seem to be the use of technological devices per se, but rather their overuse, the over-dependence on them many people demonstrate without realization, and the in-your-face usage--so much so that at times it seems like there's no escape from seeing phones, laptops, and I-Pads galore.

Is this modern life as we know it, and do I just need to get used to it? Am I acting like a crotchety elder, shaking my would-be cane at everyone who avails themselves of the conveniences most commercial and portable technology offers? Is joining a remote tribe in the Amazon or Papua New Guinea the only way to escape this juggernaut that is technology, which seems to be steadily claiming ownership of so many of our cultures and so many of our daily thoughts and movements?

I am aware of the irony that I'm using a laptop to create this post, that I own a cell phone, that I text, and so on. As stated in other posts, technology can be wonderful. It can simplify our lives (or complicate them), provide invaluable information and knowledge, save lives, extend the limits of what we're capable of doing, and keep us in contact with others in near or far-off places (isn't it also ironic that it can also distance us from our present surroundings and the people physically present with us?). Lately technology has seemed like such a double-edged sword. Clearly I'm not the first person to recognize this, but sometimes I find myself wondering how to escape technology while still harnessing its advantages and vast benefits.

My Own Worst Enemy

Prior to two weeks ago, I was trucking along and adhering quite well to the "post a day" concept of this blog. Then the annual OBX trip arrived, which my family takes every year and which doubles as a family reunion for my father's side of the family. With approximately 40 people in one beach house, the fun, games, and catching up fill each and every day to the brim until all of a sudden we find ourselves en route home again. Needless to say, no posts on the blog occurred that week.

Upon returning to work last week, I was greeted by a mountain of work, including the largest problems/"crises" I've encountered since starting at my current job. In other words, last week was full of stress, which is not conducive to sitting down and putting thoughts of any kind onto an online medium--unless it's to share curse-laden status updates on Facebook, which luckily, I just managed to refrain from writing.

Last week was particularly tough, and the experiences at work definitely got me thinking about some important things, including a few items that pertain to my writing here. One realization in particular was that I am sometimes my own worst enemy. This is probably true for many of you out there. In my case, I expect a lot of myself and often push myself hard to achieve specific results that I, not anyone else, set. Sometimes it's difficult to figure out how to deliver work or products that please yourself, those around you, and ideally both.

Another "aha" moment was realizing that I care more about what other people think than I should, frankly. Sometimes others' evaluations of us are useful, as they provide information or observations about ourselves that we potentially wouldn't have access to otherwise. Others' expectations or evaluations of us can also keep us on our toes at times, make us behave well, and expect more of ourselves as well. However, there are many instances where others' evaluations of us should really have no bearing on our self-esteem, especially if you're projecting into the future and anticipating what people will think or say before they've even done so. I've caught myself doing the latter, and it's extremely unproductive and creates unnecessary anxiety. Overall, it shouldn't matter what people think of my clothes, or my job, or my husband's job, or what degree I have (or don't have), or the quality of work that I've done if I've truly put forth my best effort. Realizing that is liberating, although I have a hunch it will take even more practice before I can truly let go of some of those psychological hindrances.

The old me would have felt extremely guilty about missing two weeks of blog writing. The old me would have scrambled to write 3 posts a night every day this week. The old me would have been stressed about one more thing on an already exhaustive list of daily activities to tackle and complete. The old me almost felt all of those things. Almost.

Today I decided to pick back up where I left off two weeks ago and forge ahead without making up the last 14 posts, as this is the best effort I can make while still feeling healthy and happy. The best part: this decision feels just fine--not just fine, but great!--and I don't feel even a twinge of guilt. Life is too short, and I'd like to spend as little time worrying and as much time enjoying it as possible. Managing stress is essential in daily life, since stress can be an acute issue with a variety of negative consequences, and can even convert into a chronic problem with serious effects on one's physical and mental health.

Even though last week sucked, through reflection and talks with family I feel like some important life concepts have surfaced, and for that I'm grateful. There's a reason why so many people say that unpleasant experiences and adverse circumstances "build character": such experiences are seldom "fun," but you sure do learn a lot.